Is Your Inner Child Screaming for Help?

Published in Natural Awakenings February 2015

 

Is Your Inner Child Screaming for Help?
 By Sam Haines and Wendi Rose

Notice how you felt when you read the headline to this article.  Did you have a strong reaction?  Could you feel something jump inside?  Not all the time, but now and again, we think we are rushing around occupying ourselves with the busyness of life when, in actuality, we are running as if hunted by some inner compulsion.  It can be really hard to notice and even harder to look at.  What is it that we can have such a hard time facing?

It is easy to say “I am stressed out because of my job, or family situation, or even just the daily grind”.  Those things, albeit important, are only on the surface of our lives.  When we look deeper, we will find a version of ourselves that is panting to keep up, terrified of being seen, a version that feels overwhelmed by the challenges of life.  That will be one of our own inner children who is trapped by a condition…the condition of being wounded and powerless.

“Nonsense”, you say, “my inner children are just fine, thank you.  If I even believe in them anyway.  Besides, what could my feelings and problems today have anything to do with me as a kid?”  Great question!  Here’s the answer.

All of us have a set of experiences that have impacted us negatively and held us back in some way in our lives.  Maybe it was an experience with a bully, or a bad day at school that left us feeling powerless, and we created a belief about ourselves that fit our experience.  Perhaps we were abused verbally or physically.  No one stood up for us.  There are many beliefs that arise out of those situations.  In extreme cases, life experiences can leave us with a wound that is beyond our ability to mend.  Each of these wounds, even the small moments of shame at being bullied or embarrassed at school-if strong enough-stall healthy emotional, mental and spiritual development.  A part of us remains frozen in time, in that moment, in that experience.  We disassociate ourselves from that experience so we can move on.  We shrug it off.  We suck it up.  We do whatever we have to do to survive and continue, but we also leave a part of ourselves behind.  We are diminished in spirit, presence, and freedom.  And we haven’t done this once.  By adulthood, we have done this diminishing-of-self many times over.

“So what.  What’s the harm”, you ask?  “I’m getting by just fine.  We all take our lumps.  Deal with it and move on”, you might say.  Well, imagine driving your car cross country and saying, “I don’t need to change the oil.  The car is working just fine.”  The harm in ignoring our wounds is greater than we give credit.

Living in woundedness creates cycles of patterned behavior—like limping with a twisted ankle.  Our wounds affect how we view and interact with the world around us, how we view and treat ourselves, how we build relationships, and, ultimately, how we treat any children we ourselves have.  It has been called ‘the cycle of violence’ in extreme cases.  For most of us it looks like impatience, intolerance, and self-neglect or over-discipline.

Now that we have pointed to the problem, how do we address it.  It must seem pretty impossible.  I can tell you it is not impossible.  It takes awareness, choice, commitment and love.
We heal when we choose to heal, and when the necessary tools are available to us.  Retrieving that power has amazing healing benefits in our lives.

Coming to the Rescue!  Creating a Space of Self-love.

Retrieving our power starts and ends with self-love.  Creating a safe, calming, peaceful space in our life is vital to being healthy.  We need a place we can enter into the processes of self-discovery, forgiveness, healing, and recreation.  It is important that we learn to be loving with ourselves “right now”.  We can turn Confusion into Clarity, Agitation into Peace, Hurt and Anger into Forgiveness, and Heartache into Love.  Making these shifts in the moments of our lives where it will make a difference most…that is what it is all about.  What we experience after will be a breath of fresh air!  The benefits include personal growth, developing self-identity, emotional development and spiritual exploration.

Here are some things we can do to create a more loving space with ourselves.

  • Ask “What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?”
  • Ask “What is the most loving way I can be with myself right now?”
  • Block out periods of time for doing nothing; make no plans, have no commitments.
  • Listen to soft lullaby music.
  • Treat yourself to regular massages.
  • Choose activities that engage your senses: try new foods, go to new places, finger paint, go to the beach and play in the sand.
  • Ask for what you want.
  • Ask for help in something you are struggling with; engage in a team activity.
  • Speak your opinions with kindness and strength.
  • Do more of what you talk about doing.

What does the Retrieval Process look like or entail?

There are many opportunities and support methods for us to address mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of our lives that are unresolved.  Through psychiatry/psychology, substance/abuse support groups, meditation practice, yoga classes, religious groups, holisitc/energy healers, we can seek to experience needed resolution, and reintegrate parts of ourselves that have been ‘stuck’ at various stages of development in our lives.

We heal when we choose to heal, and when the necessary tools are available to us.  We will know we are ready to heal when we:

  • Have the desire and willingness to heal.
  • Have the ability and readiness to face painful memories and experiences.
  • Have the belief, no matter how small, that it is possible for us to make positive change in our life.
  • Maintain the commitment to complete the process once it is begun.

Take the steps to empower yourself, to heal yourself, to love yourself completely.

  • Create a pathway to healthy integration of our own inner children.
  • Identify and connect with sources of support that match our needs.
  • Stay committed to the goal of experiencing peaceful resolutions to painful life experiences.
  • Establish simple and effective practices to anchor positive lasting change in our lives. For example:  getting plenty of rest, eating healthily, exercise regularly, etc.

In facing our past and experiencing needed resolution, we can make fundamental changes in our lives including but not limited to:  cessation of chronic physical and emotional pain, feel more confidence, have deeper expression of ourselves in personal and professional relationships, have greater peace in our lives and have a fuller understanding of ourselves in this life.
Through healing our emotional wounds and clearing belief systems that do not serve us, we will find within us a peace that is uniquely ours; that we can experience and share with others in our life.

  • Greater self-love and self-acceptance
  • Deeper peace in our life
  • Confidence in going after something we’ve always wanted
  • Turn our personal “No’s” into “Yes’es”
  • Discerning balance between the head and the heart

Remember, we are our first, best and most powerful asset.  We can affect great and positive changes in our life, and, in doing so, inspire others to be their best!  In this way, we can create a brighter and more loving world together.  We can provide tools, knowledge and support.  It is our responsibility to use them wisely and lovingly in our own unique way.

Wendi Rose and Sam Haines teach classes and lead workshops that focus on personal growth and empowerment, and teach certification courses in multiple healing modalities. Wendi Rose is an ordained interfaith minister, holistic counselor, healing practitioner and teacher. Since 1995, she has been practicing healing methods including massage, Reiki, IET, NLP, hypnotherapy for both children and adults.  Sam Haines holds a B.A. in Music, certificates in IET™, has worked in early childhood development in lead positions, supervised young adult team building.  To connect with them or schedule a free consultation, call 267-922-3670 or visit WendiRose.com.

One of My Greatest Teachers: Issue 2

I started my quest to have my own kitty companion with a heartfelt prayer to the angels and the universe.  I recall standing in line at the grocery store when the feeling of desiring my kitty hit me so strong, I had to hold back my tears.  I believe I was feeling the spirit of my kitty reassuring me that “they” were on their way.  Several months later a friend called to tell me she had found a cat for me.  It was a feral barn cat.  She kept this beautiful grey-blue kitten in a shed for me to visit with.  I felt peaceful and calm in her presence.  I named her Serena.

My friend was gracious enough to take care of her first vet visit.  I met my friend in the vet’s parking lot excited with anticipation to bring Serena home.  She got into my car with Serena in her arms with tears in her eyes.  She said, “I am so sorry to do this to you.  Serena is pregnant and too far along to abort the kittens.  How are you going to find homes for them?”.  I responded, “If the universe gave me a pregnant cat, then the universe already has homes for them”.

I was given the biggest blessing.  It was better than I could have imagined.

I found homes for all the kittens before they were even born.  Serena gave birth to five healthy kittens, whom I had the pleasure of midwifing.  Each one was born in my arms.  Among them was Emmanuel.

The way Emmanuel came into my life has given me a lifelong lesson in manifesting with spirit.  It has been to open my heart more to trust and have faith in my  hearts desires, which comes from my authentic self.

In Times of Transition

Transition:  the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.  We are always transitioning.  The arc of our lives is a kaleidoscope of overlapping transitions.  Birth to death is our longest arc of transition experienced by our physical form.  Inside of that, the number and variations of life transitions is innumerable.  Indeed, we go through most entirely without the need of conscious thought and direction.  Nature takes it course, situations play out, the world turns and life goes on.

Some transitions we consciously involved ourselves in:  getting up in the morning, going out to our car, taking the bus, going to the store or to work, etc.  These are all little transitions most of us make every day of our lives.

Other transitions impact our lives in greater ways:  buying a home, selling a home, starting a business, getting married, having children, etc.

My point is, we are affected by transition.  How can we move through a transition that seems overwhelming to us?    We can be intensely joyful, or completely outraged when going through a life change, especially when we are emotionally vulnerable to our situation.  Allow me to paint a picture.

Imagine that you have lived your life moving from grade school to high school and to college.  You earned yourself a degree from a respectable institution and along the way met ‘the one’ and got married after graduation.  Every choice has felt normal and you are checking off your ‘to do’ list in life.  You then found a great job working in your field of study and bought a house and started a family.  From the perspective of society, you are living the perfect normal life.  You have your ducks in a row and aside from the normal aggravations, you “can’t complain”.

Now imagine that one day you wake up and realize that you are not satisfied.  Something is missing.  You brush it off as nothing and continue on.  You choose to continue accepting all the tiny ‘unimportant’ annoyances:  traffic, stress of the job, mounting debt, lack of healthy nutrition and rest.  You begin to ‘lose the spark‘ in your love life and you retreat from your spouse, family and maybe even friends.  You just want to catch your breath and feel that everything is going to be ok, but each day, the feeling inside gets heavier.  You are living a life out of balance and doing everything you know how to ‘just keep on keepin’ on’.

Then it happens.  You finally ask the question, “How did I get here?”  We’ve all asked this question, or will, at one time or another in our lives.  We’ll look back and try to figure it out.  Maybe we’ll find a particular event that we can point to and say, “There is where I went wrong!”  We will have our scapegoat.  We’ll have found the perfect victim (that is not us) that we can point to and blame the current state of our lives on.  And we would be wrong.

In truth, there is no single moment that defines our lives and sets us in an immovable direction.  It can certainly seem like it, and we will certainly believe it-for awhile.  Eventually, wisdom sneaks in and we see how every moment of our lives played an equal part in creating our life.  It is how we feel and think about ourselves that sets the tone of our perspectives, choices, and results in life.  Period.  We can live in fear and play victim, or we can live in love and own our existence.  That is the difference between waking up one day and asking, “How did I get here?” and waking up each day and saying, “I am here!”

Practice living in self-love.  It is as easy as making a choice.  It may feel awkward at first, but like riding a bike, it comes back.  You know how to, even if it has been a long time.  The fact is, that love will carry in to all your transitions.  You will see everything differently.  Your tired, burned-out, angry outlook on life will transform into the knowledge that you are surrounded by resources, support, and moments of restoration.  What you need is always at hand.  Just ask for the eyes to see it, and the heart to feel it.

One of My Greatest Teachers

I believe everyone has experienced someone that has influenced, inspired or directed our lives in some positive way.

I am excited to share a personal and heartfelt story with you.

My greatest inspiration and teacher is my cat, Emmanuel. Even though he passed away in September 2013, he is still teaching me about myself through others.

His teaching approach is simple. Keep your heart open no matter what is happening. Be kind and loving to yourself and receive all of the support that is around you, whether you feel it or not.

Through a series of blog posts, I will share what I learned from Emmanuel’s life journey and how it has helped shape my life.

New Experiences

It has been an interesting year.  I have made decisions this year that have brought me higher levels of experiences I have had before.  What do I mean?

One of my vocations in my life is that I am a musician.  I have played the standard gamut of venues ranging from bars to festival stages with the all the usual private parties, coffee houses, and recording studios along the way.  In November 2013, I approached the local conservatory for arts and music in Doylestown, PA with the idea of creating a venue for local/regional musicians to have a place to come and offer concerts.  The benefit of this particular venue is that here, as opposed to bars and coffee shops, the musicians are the center of attention.

This idea was very well accepted and embraced by the director of the Conservatory and we began production of the inaugural concert.  This concert would feature two of my current ensembles.  I will fast-forward to the outcome.  After months of prep and rehearsals, the concert was a great success!  Now to the meaning of all this.

In my growth as a man invested in pursuing my goals and interests, I chose to believe that I can create what I want to experience.  I took the action of sharing an idea with other people instead of being afraid that my vision would be too big, or not interesting, or that I would ultimately be disappointed at the outcome of my efforts.

I had a blast and so did everyone else!